Sadness Is Not Choosey!

You never im me they say. You don’t like me they say. Guess what…not true. Just like a phone, it goes both ways. Click a button and say hi. I don’t bite (well I do but only If I ask first). See it goes like this. You have a mouse that you can click my name and say hi. It always seems so one-sided.

Connection is great and it does go both ways. It seems that I am always the one to start the conversation. Then people think that I am ignoring them. I’m not. I sit at times and wait for someone to say something then I end up starting the conversation. Which in itself is not a bad thing, but it would be nice if it happened the other way once in a while.

I don’t vent or rant very often. I keep a lot of things close to the vest. I don’t show my unhappiness very often. I plaster on a smile and make like everything is okay. Ask anyone that really knows me and they will tell you that. I play the happy guy but most of the time I am hurting inside. I fake it just to make sure that friends don’t have to see how broken I am inside.

People say, you are a Christian, how can you be unhappy or broken. Aren’t you saved…..Yup I am and yes I am saved but I am also very human. I have my problems with life just like everyone else. I go through things just like everyone else. I get depressed and I get sick just like everyone else.

I said once that I have no friends and I don’t have very many…in Oregon. All my friends or the majority of them live in Ontario Canada. My adopted dad is one of the most wonderful men I have ever met. I love him more than he will ever know. (and he knows who he is.) I watched two wonderful little girls, that i considered my little sisters grow up into beautiful wonderful women. One is even a TV star.

Thirty four years ago I married the love of my life. Fourteen years later she was taken from me. I have carried that pain for 20 years. There is a hole in my heart that was where her love resided. It held me and caressed me and told me everything was going to be alright. It’s not there anymore and nothing can fill that spot. I love my current wife but even she can not fill that hole.

Friendships are hard to find these days. With everyone connected to the net and the phones surgically implanted on our hands. Making friends is not what it use to be. Now we have social media that has taken the place of going outside and actually talking to each other. We replaced friendships with computers. We hide behind our screens instead of face to face. Oh what I would give to see the friends I talk to. To see all the friends that I left behind in Ontario.

I am a sad man. I have my moments of happiness but not as many as I would like. My happiness is in heaven waiting for me to come to her. It is in Ontario where the people I love the most are. Where my family is. The ones that know me best. I am waiting for the day that I can see My Lord and turn in my sadness for happiness.

Folks, make sure you do more than just IM people. If they are close enough, talk to them face to face. If you can’t, IM them often. Don’t wait for them to come to you. I don’t do it often enough but I have been hurt so many times that I don’t bother anymore. Saying Hi can do so much!

 

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