What do I do when I want to rewind? I go into Second Life and DJ! I love doing it and it helps me relax and forget about the troubles of this world. I get lost in the music and everything stops! I also write and play my guitar and even from time to time I going into DC Online and beat the crap out of villains.
I enjoy all kinds of things to do. Spending time with my wife watching our favourite shows. L&O:SVU, The Flash, The Arrow so on and so forth. We watch a diverse variety of television. She is into her Hallmark : Murder and Mystery movies. She enjoys fixer upper shows and vet shows.
I spend my days at my computer for the most part. I write my blog or get out my poison pen on twitter and keep track of my family (real life or virtual) on Facebook or I get a story out that I am trying to write and write a chapter or two before I get distracted. About every twenty minutes, almost like clock work, I check on my wife Jeanne to make sure she is okay. For those who have never looked after a quadriplegic, it is not as easy as it sounds and for those who think that they know…trust me you don’t have a single clue until you have!
The constant watching for bed sores and making sure that there are no wrinkles under her so the aforementioned bed sores don’t appear. Making sure that she is hydrated and has had enough to eat. Being ready to help her with spasms and gas. It’s easy for us to pass gas but for a quad it’s different. We lift a leg and it is silent but deadly. For a quad, if they are in bed they have to be rolled and then aided in so different ways. If they are sitting up, it can happen at anytime and trust me it does.
It is tough for the quad and it is just as tough on the spouse. It almost feels like servitude. You are so concerned about them that you get lost in the shuffle. You have to deal with the pains and aches by yourself. You have to deal with getting sick and still have to do your job. It is a rough job and I already can hear the laughter. “It can’t be that hard!” Okay so let’s do this.
Imagine that you are in so much pain, you can barely walk. It’s 2 in the morning and you are warm comfy and dead asleep. You hear your wife call you. You get up just to find out that you have to clean her up. Now as I said, you can barely walk. So now you have to go and get everything you need to clean her up and you stub your toe or trip over the cat. So now you are grumbling and complaining. You wander back into the bedroom, get her all cleaned up and now you hurt even worse. But you see her face and you can’t help but kiss her and tell her that you love her…no matter how frustrated you are. You climb back into bed and you are just about to go back to sleep heaven and you have to get up because she needs to be cleaned again. So you grumble under your breath and curse silently. Clean her up and look into those eyes and realize that you would do it again and again. Meanwhile your back is so sore that it cries out in pain as you lean down to kiss her lips.
As hard as it is, it’s not about respect or loyalty or willingness, well it is but it is about something more. It’s about love. You do it cause you love her and you know that if the roles were reversed, she would do it for you.
You always put her or him first. In my case it’s her. She gets her dinner first. She is first in my life. Her needs come before mine. We go to a restaurant and when the food gets there, I cut up her food so she can eat. It doesn’t matter that mine is going cold. She gets served first. When we get home, she gets put back into bed first cause she can’t sit in her chair any longer. It doesn’t matter that I need to pee, she has to go back to bed. Then she needs her pills and she needs her this and that. Meanwhile your back teeth are floating. So you put her on hold, mainly cause well if not, the floor is going to get very wet.
Love is the motivating factor. I married her for love, I live with her for love. I look after her for love. I deal with all the headaches and pain for love. Birthdays and Christmases are missed cause she can’t get out of bed to go do it and sure I am upset about it and it bothers me but then that love comes in and whispers. She loves and needs me. When I am so sick that tossing my cookies is a very possible thing, I still get up and look after her. Get her her meds and her breakfast, lunch and dinner. I have been so sick that death would be preferable but I still got out of bed to clean her up and for no other reason that I love her.
I think about the times that she is so sick that I wonder when the Lord will call her home. There are times that I have cried myself to sleep while she has been in the hospital with this infection or that infection that I am so scared that I am going to bury another wife. I buried one, I really don’t want to bury another one yet. But that thought is always in the back of my mind. I am so glad when she can come home and even though we sleep in separate beds, the sounds of her snoring is like fine music.
I have been married to Jeanne for 17 years and as hard as it has been, I wouldn’t trade a single day of it. She has seen me so sick that I can barely move yet I have still cared for her. She wishes she could look after me like I do her.
This little blog of mine started out as what we do and it turned into a what I do. It is a labour of love. I don’t do it for the glory or the fame or even the recognition. I do it cause there is this woman, that through no fault of her own, was in a car crash in the Coburg Hills in Western Oregon in 1976. The jeep rolled corner to corner and she was the one that was left in the condition she is in. Some have said that she is weak and yet this same woman raised two children, got her MA and BA and through it all managed to stay sane and she did it all while in a chair. I don’t know if I could have done what she has done. I think I might have decided to try to check out.
She gave me my life back when my life was so messed up that I didn’t know what to do anymore. She thinks I am perfect and trust me I am far from that. She loves me for me and all of my imperfections. I would not trade that for anything.
In my life time I have had four angels in my life. My Grand Mother who loved me Unconditionally. My Mother for all her faults and mistakes, cried when I was born and loved me the minute she laid her eyes on me even though she really didn’t want anymore kids. My sweet love Rose who loved me with such a fierce love and made me promise that if anything happened to her, that I would find another love. Finally Jeanne who took me in and loves me with a love that is as fierce as any love I have ever had.
Of all the loves that I have had in my life, none are more important that these four. Sorry Miss Kinney. There is a fifth and she is so important to me and my life. We may not always agree on things and sometimes we say things to each other that are mean and spiteful. Yet she knows that I would lay my life down for her in a heartbeat and yes I know she would do the same for me. My sister Nancy. She has been a thorn in my side since the day I was born and truth be told (I will deny if she reads this…) I wouldn’t want it any other way.
I have four beautiful brothers that have taught me so much. Some good some bad and yet I would be lost without them. We don’t often see each other much anymore..they are anywhere from 3000 to 10000 miles away but they are always in my heart.
What started out as one kind of blog has turned into another one. I guess the Lord had plans for this blog all along. Family is so important in a man’s or a woman’s life. They really are the glue that keeps us stuck. We may not always like to hear what they might have to say. We may fight from time to time (well a lot) but we love each other.
I have a wonderful family. We put the fun in dysfunctional. I have had ups and downs, good and bad. But through it all I have been able to stand my ground cause not only do I have the Lord by my side I have my family, we will not be swayed at all!
I guess I am done. My keyboard is sending me divorce notices.
“Keep Looking Up! His Coming Is Soon!!”